Jeff’s guide to ‘The Room’

Oh hi, Bruntouchables.

Last week Our Guy Padraic wrote a fantastic Gut Check of the trailer to The Disaster Artist, James and Dave Franco’s passion project about the making of the best worst movie of all time. It occurred to me that many a Bruntouchable, including the Bad Boys themselves, have not seen The Room, the aforementioned best worst movie of all time.

I try my best to keep myself up to date on the important things, but when it comes to matters of little importance — say, poorly made 2003 independent films, I am Very Much Woke. So yes, I’ve seen The Room. Yes, I’ve thrown plastic spoons inside of a movie theater at 12:45am. Yes, I shook Tommy Wiseau’s hand. So allow me to prepare you for The Disaster Artist by giving you a Viewer’s Guide to The Room.

So, what’s the deal with The Room?

OK, by now it’s common knowledge that The Room is the Citizen Kane of bad movies, but how did we get here? The legend started high above Hollywood Boulevard, where a billboard for the movie stood for five years, despite the film only grossing $1800 in theaters.

Naturally, this made the people of Los Angeles curious. And who lives in Los Angeles? Celebrities! In 2008 Entertainment Weekly posted an article called “The Crazy Cult of The Room“. For me, and a lot of people outside of the immediate Hollywood Boulevard area, this article was Patient Zero for hearing about The Room. I needed to see the movie that Kristen Bell, Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill and Edgar Wright were all watching together.

In 2011, The Room co-star Greg Sestero appeared on an episode of bad movie podcast How Did This Get Made? to talk about the making of the film.

Then, in 2013 Sestero released The Disaster Artist, a book that documents the whole experience. And that gets us to now, when the film adaptation of that book is set to be released in December.

Do I need to see The Room before seeing The Disaster Artist?

Look, I know the prospect of seeing a Franco/Rogen/Franco joint alone will get some people to the theater, but let me say this in size 100 font and with the fire of 1,000 suns:

DO NOT SEE THE DISASTER ARTIST WITHOUT SEEING THE ROOM

I truly believe that if you see The Disaster Artist before you see The Room then you should not be allowed to vote or have a driver’s license. I’m sorry, those are the rules. Welcome to Jeff’s America.

There is pure joy that is so difficult to attain these days that you’ll get by watching The Room first. Don’t ruin this. (It is ok to watch a few YouTube clips before seeing The Room.)

Should I see a midnight screening?

Absolutely and unequivocally 100% YES. I have some caveats, though. Don’t have the midnight screening be the first time you see The Room. Screenings are very rowdy. People are yelling out lines and throwing spoons all over the place. You will have no idea what’s going on. I’ve had friends go through this and I know from their experience that it wasn’t the best. See it with some friends in a quieter setting and THEN go see a midnight screening. I’d also recommend trying to catch one before The Disaster Artist comes out.

What’s the deal with the spoons?

The artwork in The Room is just framed pictures of spoons because of reasons. So, in live screenings, every time one appears in frame, people chuck plastic spoons at the screen.

Why is it called The Room?

Good question.

What is watching The Room like?

It’s quite the roller coaster. For the first 20 minutes or so, you may think that you’ve been duped into watching porn, because there are roughly three of the least sexy sex scenes ever filmed within the first 15 minutes. They are graphic and strange. After that it is a cavalcade of weird dialogue (shouts to Claudette’s cancer), characters appearing and disappearing (shouts to Peter), bad sports (shouts to tuxedo football), strange cocktails (shouts to Scotchka) and Denny (no shouts to Denny. Fuck Denny.)

What is your favorite scene in The Room?

Either the flower shop or Johnny explaining how he met Lisa.

Should I order a pizza?

I already ordered a pizza.

What if DJ and Pete see The Disaster Artist without seeing The Room?

If those cowards won’t watch The Room with me, Padraic and I inherit Brunch.

Where can I send any further The Room questions?

Please send them all to Rich Peverley Fan Account @jeffisrael25